I started to like a guy, but now I question myself. Also, i have little faith in myself ever attracting that guy or him liking me at all. He likes my shoulder rubs/back rubs, I enjoy his... He is cute, but I can't care anymore. I am loosing myself to hating school again, everything is just so pointless. Why even try? I'm being depressed agin, I need to sleep, though I did none of my hw, who really cares, I can fail, then go to UMASS for 4 years, and go work in a bookstore or some place till i die. Period. Nothing matters now. I don't. I hate living, I need a drink but I have no alc. I need to release some sexual frustrations, but I can't, I have no one. I want to get high and enjoy life but I'm just sitting around wasting away, hating my family, having them hate me, and wishing I could go off and sleep the rest of my life away. I'm lonely and no one cares. It's like, aww well, too bad, or, yeah, it sucks. but no one helps me, i have nothing, i feel as if i am someone with nothing left. I have friends, but they seem perfectly fine without me, so i ask myself, why am i still here? What am I thinking, are the smallest of thoughts or actions gonna help me? no. I need a job cuz i need money, i need money cuz i need to get out of this or at least get my mind away from this world. I can't wait to be happy again, cuz it feels right now like i haven't been forever.